i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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