My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
