Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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