Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
