His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
