im having a threesome with these popsicles
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
