i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
