so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
