It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
