im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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