i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
