my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
