There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
