I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Randomize
