You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
