Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
