fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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