I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
