who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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