I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
