i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
