Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
