oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
