okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
