I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What a dumb baby whore.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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