So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
