you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
