we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We had to coat check the pizza.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
