the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
