he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
3pm strippers are depressing
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
