So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
