i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
