i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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