i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
