if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
