So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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