she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
