good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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