I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
