Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
wanna go halves on a baby?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
