just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
