did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my shit smells like andre
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My ass is underappreciated
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
