You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
