And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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