I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
