My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
