saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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