I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm at about main and main street
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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