Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize