Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
