Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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