they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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