I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
