You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
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just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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