JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
