Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
