So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
