I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
