I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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