wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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