your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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