I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
