you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
