so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
