Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
