The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
