six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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