Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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