i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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