dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
