How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
