I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
