I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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