Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
